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The Return Of The Prodigal Son

“For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” [Luke 24:15]
 
This divine verse, attributed to Jesus, has long been told as the signifier of the original miracle.
To me, the verse simply reminds me of myself, a prodigal son. The son who lost his way, lost all
forms of connection to his father, and whose relationship to fatherhood has always been
contested. My father was not the type to show affection through playing games, or helping me
with my studies, or getting involved in any details of my life. And I wasn’t the son he expected,
who would take a conventional path and would give him what he wanted. I grew up knowing
him only as the breadwinner of the family. Later, I knew this wasn’t all that a father was or
should be.
He is 50 years my elder, which perhaps is the reason behind our perpetual inability to
communicate. I had to forge my own path, outside of my home, that would allow me to be
myself and to make my own choices. And I found refuge in drugs, the only answer I found that
would allow me to see myself without fear, without my father’s gaze.
 
I found myself losingeverything I had, bit by bit, and quickly, 10 years had passed, between hospitals and escapes,sobriety and relapses, fights with my parents and with myself.
I couldn’t break away from addiction, until one day, my father spoke to me, for the first time,
like I was an adult, with my own life, capable of making my own choices. And for the first time, I
finally understood the meaning of affection.
affection. I turned back into a little kid, weak and vulnerable, craving security and waiting for someone to pull me out of the spiral I was in. And so the prodigal son returned to his father. I’m now 5 years sober. And since that incident, we’ve tried to forgive each other for everything that happened in the past.
It’s been a long and trying process, one in which I’ve changed, but not completely; I still find myself going back to old habits, and still find a missing link with my father. All I know is that the journey of the prodigal son doesn’t end with his return.
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